Eastward Bound – Days 4 & 5

Sunday 8/12/2018

7:32 a.m. – We found it most difficult to wake up this morning due to having one of the heartiest of dinners last night. The food was all very good though I’m still not certain what I was supposed to do with the two sticks they gave me to eat the fish stuff that was rolled up in rice and some sort of green wrapping paper. I sort of stabbed a piece with a stick and began cooking it over the lamp on accou t of the fish still being raw. It was quite tasty but it sure was a lot of work cooking it up this way.

9:21 a.m. – We found out our meal last night was not free and so I had no choice but to sell off the wagon and the rest of the pear jam merchandise. Luckily there was just enough money left over to buy another wagon in which to continue our travels.

The new and, perhaps, even better wagon

11:34 a.m. – My family wasn’t nearly as impressed with our new wagon as I was and decided to punish me by making me ride another crazy carriage over a waterfall. I’ll admit that it was a pretty scene until I again passed out.

Spokane Falls, or The Place Where I Passed Out For The Second Time on This Trip

11:44 a.m. – Came to. Not on the flying carriage anymore but I have discovered that I am now expected to ride a horse while my family rides, tigers, goats and dragons; just doesn’t seem safe for me to be riding a horse amongst such fierce beasts.

4:45 p.m. – I escaped the death ring of beasts and have been making haste to place as much distance between myself and that frightening place. We have left Washington and we are now making our way through the great state of Idaho, which is known far and wide for being the state where Sarah Palin was born.

4:46 p.m. – Having recalled that this was the birthplace of Sarah Palin I made even greater haste and departed Idaho presently for the friendly confines of Montana.

9:33 p.m. – We arrived in Missoula and were surprised to find our old camping friends from Seattle. We quickly made camp next to them and then just as quickly moved our back to the end of the line. Apparently they haven’t changed much.

10:16 p.m. – I had a nice talk with the camp leader again and was told that they were for a pear jam festival. Having learned my lesson from Seattle I inquired whether this was truly a pear jam festival or if it was just another musical event from a grudge band. The camp leader laughed most heartily at my inquiry and assured me it was in fact a pear jam festival. Satisified, I rushed back to our spot in line and told the wife and kids, whose excitement could hardly be contained and, in the case of Damien, was not contained but spilled all over a rock where I had to make another sign explaining this warnt the Yellerstone people were looking for.

Monday 8/13/2018

8:32 a.m. – We slept well in our camp but were woken up early by our campers so as we could all get in line to but the merchandise for today’s pear jam festival. We would have liked to have gotten a little more sleep but at least we had a steaming cup of some fine Guatemalen coffee from a place called Black Coffee Roasters.

3:32 p.m. – Saw an old aquaintance from back west at a fine watering hole and then went to explore a different watering hole called Tamarack Brewing Company.

11:45 p.m. – Oh tragedy of all tragedies!! I fear that the disappointment of which I feel may prevent me from going any further on these travels! Just as happened in Seattle we were tricked into spending the last of our monies on merchandise for the pear jam festival only to find out that we were lied to by our camp leader and this was in fact another one of those musical grudge concerts; the same grudge group no less! While I again admit to tapping my toe a time or two while the wife and kids danced many a jig while the musicians aired their grudges most fiercely, it is not enough to offset the disappointment of once again not having any pear jam to show off with to the folks back home.

The Grudge Band

Categories: Humor

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