Eastward Bound – The Rest of the Story

Tuesday 8/14/2014

06:18 p.m. – With the disappointment of the pear jam fiasco draped across my shoulders like a buffalo hide across a buffalo, my spirits were briefly uplifted as I heard tell of a pear jam festival happening in the great city of Chicago. This was a briefly lived dream, however, as the family unanimously vetoed my idea of a side trip in favor of our original destination: Yellerstone. After many a traveled mile and nearly losing our kids to both a buffalo and a T-rex, we finally made it to our campground which was not in Yellerstone at all; a real disappointment for all of us. On account of our kids still not snapping out of their fear from their encounters in Bozeman, we decided we would just have to wait till the ‘morrow before we reach our destination.

My kid’s close calls with T-Rex and a buffalo. I would helped them out some but then I wouldn’t have been able to capture the moment to share with you all.

Wednesday 8/15/2018

9:30 a.m – We finally made it to the place called Yellerstone, yet there warn’t a yeller stone to be seen anywhere. Mighty disappointed!

9:32 a.m. – Saw a whole heard of elk and meant to take one or two down so that I could make jerky but apparently that is frowned upon in this here place. Disappointment growing!!

9:45 a.m. – As if my disappointment couldn’t grow any further I am now told that we are spending the day with a bunch of old geezers who (surprise, surprise!) spout a bunch of hot air all day and drip fluids everywhere. Not sure why we came all this way to hang out with geezers when we could have just as easily done that at home.

9:48 a.m. – Geysers. Not geezers. Thank the lord almighty!

9:45 p.m. – We saw many a geyser as well as a bald eagle, buffalo and elk (none of which I was allowed to turn into jerky) today and I was still quite relieved that it warn’t geezers. Perhaps tomorrow we will see an animal that I can turn into jerky; that will make this trip most satisfactory!

Thursday 8/16/2018

8:45 a.m.  – Woke up early in hopes of finally seeing a yeller stone and finding some jerky makings.

11:05 a.m. – Success! I have now seen more yeller stones than I could ever have imagined!


Yeller stones!


7:58 p.m. – Besides finding more yeller stones than one could ever imagine existing, we were nearly stampeded by a herd of wild buffalo and almost blown to smithereens by the tallest geezer I ever seen which, apparently, goes by the name of Steamboat. It was most impressive and I have to say that if the rest of our time here is as good as these first two days it will be worth missing out on the pear jam festivals in Chicago.


Steamboat Geezer


9:32 p.m. – I sorta feel bad that Kevin got left at home. I hope he hasn’t had trouble with any bumbling burglars.


Friday 08/17/2018

10:16 a.m – We woke earlier than ever this morning in order to make it to over the Mt Washboard pass and into Lemer Valley where my son hoped to catch sight of a bear that he could wrestle and, if he wins, I get to turn into jerky (the bear, not the kid). Made to the valley and saw a whole slew of bison (I was told by some highfalutin Ranger named Ranger Smith that the proper term for these here beasts are bison, not buffalo even though there is no difference. In fact he went so far to tell me that the scientific name is “bison bison” – I say that’s just plain “stupid, stupid”). A few of the bison began wandering up to our wagon which put quite a scare into our little one as he was still recovering from nearly being mauled by one of them beasts in Bozeman. My oldest son and I weren’t too worried though as we was occupied watching some pronghorn deer battle each other. It was quite the sight, though I was disappointed that there wasn’t a loser as I had quite a hankering for some pronghorn jerky.


Could’ve been some mighty fine jerky indeed.

1:32 p.m. – We sat down for a bit of lunch and watched a whole field of buffalo (I don’t care if they are bison or bison bison, they are buffalo to me) snort, roll around and, on occasion, reenact various scenes from Dances with Wolves.

4:46 p.m. – We made it to Mammoth Springs which, to my disappointment, didn’t have any mammoth’s whatsoever. I quite enjoyed the springs until I was roughly told to clothe myself and get out of the springs as, apparently, this is frowned upon. My bones were quite weary but the little bit of a soak I did get helped considerably.

6:21 p.m. – While we were traveling around the park, my wife decided to tell the kids some ghost stories she heard tell about the place. The kids were a little spooked but I wasn’t, at least not at first. It wasn’t until my wife told a story about a boy who jumped in front of his daddy’s camera and created a spooky looking image that haunted everyone who saw it that I got scared, and when I seen this same kind of picture appear on my camera, well, we ain’t going back to Yellerstone no more.


Spooky arm picture

Saturday 08/18/2018

10:04 a.m. – We are packed up and ready to leave. Despite being afraid of the place on account of the spooky arm picture, I feel a bit sad about leaving Yellerstone. It is quite a place and worth every moment of the journey (even the times I was tricked into seeing that grudge band). While I never was allowed to turn any of the animals I seen into jerky, I did enjoy seeing the eagles, buffalo, elk, coyote and deer. My son didn’t get to wrestle a bear but he seemed to be pretty happy with the trip and, I’m proud to say, both of our sons became junior rangers at the park; I just hope they don’t someday tell people that they should call buffalo, bison bison. Dumb, dumb.


Categories: Humor, Travel

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