Ask the Accountant: Independence Day

Today is the 4th of July, Independence Day in the United States. The idea of independence is of particular importance to accountants that work in public accounting as it is necessary that they are independent in both appearance and in apparel from the rest of human civilization. With this dual meaning in mind, I will now tackle some recent questions I have received regarding the meaning of independence…

What was the motivation for the founding fathers to declare their independence from England?

There were a lot of reasons for the founding fathers writing and signing the declaration of independence but most scholars of early American history agree that the main reason that they declared their independence from England had to do with hot dogs.

Hot Dogs?

Yes. The mainstream text books, etc have distorted the truth and would have us all believe that the Revolutionary War was due to the unfair taxes imposed by King George the Jerk, however, as Howard Zinn explains in his book, “A Frankfurter’s History of the United States”, the real issue was the taxation of hot dogs.

I’ve never heard that before. You aren’t making this up are you?

Not at all. Starting in 1774 a little-known hot dog stand in Brooklyn began holding a contest on 7/4 for no particular reason to see who could eat the most hot dogs (and buns) in order to drum up more business. This first contest was so successful (Senator John McCain won the inaugural contest with 21 hot dogs and buns eaten), that King George the Punk decided to levy a tax on each hot dog eaten during said contest to quote, “Offset the costs of importing Pepto Bismol to the Americas.” Offended by this affront to American liberties, John McCain rallied the rest of the founding father to the cause of the liberty with the rallying cry of, “No Taxation Without Proper Digestation”. He, McCain, spent the remainder of the revolutionary war in the outhouse recovering from he aforementioned 21 hot dogs and buns.

That’s an interesting story, but how does it apply to accounting?

Does it really matter?

Besides John McCain, who were the other founding fathers?

The other founding father of note were: George “Cream Cheese” Washington, John “I prefer bratwurst” Adams, Thomas “Haute Dog” Jefferson and Joey “Jaws” Chestnut.

Was there any mention about accountants in the Declaration of Independence?

Yes.

What did it say about accountants?

Something to the effect that all accountants should be independent in appearance and in fact. If they fail to meet those conditions then they are to be shipped immediately to England to be King George the Tax Evader’s problem.

Is Benjamin Franklin considered to be a founding father?

He is. In fact, he is also considered to a founding father of accounting in that he was the inventor of the green visor, pocket protector and beans.

What would the founding fathers think about the state of their country today?

They would declare their independence and move to Florida.

Isn’t Florida part of the United States?

Yes but, let’s be honest, none of want to admit to that fact.

What was the biggest factor that led to America winning the Revolutionary War?

There were actually two factors that led to America’s ultimate victory over England: Joey Chestnut and auditors.

In what way did they turn the tide of the war for independence?

They both so offended the English’s sense of refinement that King George the Prude decided that the American’s could have America if they embrace the likes of hot-dog-chomping people like Joey Chestnut and annoying-by-their-own-existence auditors.

Do you have any last words to add to this blog post about Independence Day?

My only regret is that I have but one blog to write about Independence Day. Also, I regret, again, watching the hot dog contest again this year. Absolutely disgusting.



Categories: Accounting, Humor

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

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