Eastward Bound!

Wed. 8/8/2018

It is with great pleasure that I begin this journal to record our journey east to the wilderness alternatively called Jellystone or Yellowstone. Admittedly, I, at first, didn’t quite understand why we wanted to risk life and limb to go see a stone that was, allegedly, of yellow color when we have plenty of stones (and grass and fence boards, etc) on our homestead that, on account of the boys marking their territory when and where they like, are yellowish in color as well but, I’ve been told by many a folk, that this particular stone is particularly yellow and so I relented.

Our preparations for the journey have begun in earnest and while I’m sure the preparations are a lot of work, I don’t really know for sure as my wife has taken it upon herself to deal with that while I focus on the important stuff, like where the local watering holes are and the shortest route between various outhouses.

With our route now mapped out and all of our earthly belongings (including, we assume, our kids) packed in the wagon we are ready to start our journey in the morning.

Thurs. 8/9/2018

3:15 a.m. – We woke at 2:30 a.m. and started our journey to the Yellerstone. We made approximately .025 miles before little Damien had to mark his territory. This caused not a little frustration as we asked him over and over to use the outhouse before we left. Stewing over the lack of progress that we had made thus far I could only think to myself (as I have done many a time before), “It’s all for you Damien!” After Damien was done with his business I got to worryin that some other folks might believe this spot to be Yellerstone so, in order to avoid any confusion on account of Damien’s prolific bladder we decided to leave a sign that read, “This is mot the Yellerstone you are looking for. Move along.”

3:22 a.m. – Tragedy! Just as we got movin along the road again my wife let out an unholy screech that could only be descibed as an unholy screech. At first I believed that she was yelling that we forgot our bacon and whipped the wagon around so violently that we nearly tipped over into Damien’s yellerstone, which would have pretty much ended our trip there. Luckily we didn’t tip and as we tore back home I asked my wife how in the world she could have fogotten the bacon?!?

5:25 a.m. – We averted the whole bacon tragedy. It was just a misunderstanding. My wife, it seems, was yelling, “We forgot Kevin!” not, “We forgot bacon” as I though she had. After my wife assured me that she had packed the bacon, I turned the wagon back around and headed us back to Yellerstone. Kevin is a good boy and will be fine; he’s been left home alone before.

12:02 p.m. – Just left our 15th outhouse of the trip and am feeling quite refreshed.

1:15 p.m. – Just let our 22nd watering hole of the trip and am feeling even more refreshed.

1:25 p.m. – Now that we are 1.15 miles down the road I feel the excitement really kicking in for this here trip.

3:45 p.m. – It seems that the excitement that I felt earlier was just a need to get to the next outhouse in a hurry.

4:45 p.m. – As we had only made it so far as 1.18 miles in 13 hours my wife suggested that perhaps we skip the next several watering holes and outhouses. Can’t say that I agree but seeing as she is currently riding shotgun I don’t see as I have a choice in the matter.

4:47p.m. – Having taken my wife’s advice we have gone about 160 miles and have loaded our wagon onto a ferry boat to get to our first stop, Seattle.

One of our sons getting ready to mark his territory on Pugent Sound

5:36 p.m. (or possible 3:45 a.m. next Tuesday) – My decision to stop a local herb shop prior to boarding the Ferry boat appears to have been an ill-conceived choice as, it seems to have caused the Seattle shoreline to warp into a very unnatural state though, I seem to be the only one who has noticed this particular phenomenon.

Seattle…In a Way

7:32 p.m. – Somehow we ended up at a local hotel where we decided to put up for the night. It was a bit dusty and seemed to have not been cleaned since the revolutionary times, it was all that was available in our price range.

9:32 p.m. – After exploring a local watering hole where we ate some sort of newfangled meal that consisted of bread and various toppings, such as: cheese, sauce, peppers and herbs, we decided to call it a day. Tomorrow we set out early to make our way to Yellerstone, assuming the local herbal remedies allow for it.

Great beer and Pizza at Resonate Brewing Company.



Categories: Humor

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