Self-Diagnosed

I read an article the other day that I shouldn’t have; I know better than to click on stories about new medical discoveries. It never ends well. Yet, despite my carpel tunnel, I managed to click on the link like I always do.

Blame my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for doing it.

I blame my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for clicking it.

I’m blaming my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for clicking on the link. 

Anyway, I thought I’d share the news with everybody instead of keeping it personal – call me histrionic if you want to; I do the same when I’m talking to anybody that will listen. 

Not that they care about what I’m saying. 

As I was saying, I tend to keep these sorts of things private but now that I know that I’m not alone and have been prescribed the proper medication that enables me to stand at attention and improves performance during situations like these I feel like I can complete the job and say what needs to be said regardless of how hard it might be. 

So the article that I clicked on due to my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and despite my carpel tunnel, was about a new medical discovery that not only affects me but others – but it still affects me more. I believe the technical term for this condition is: Exploding Head Syndrome, or EHS (which is the sound that sufferers of this condition, like me, make every time their head explodes).

I know what you are thinking because one of the symptoms of EHS is the ability to know what other people are thinking when you really have no clue. At any rate, you are most likely thinking that I am making up EHS, I promise you I am not. In fact here is a link to a web site that says something about EHS: https://www.sleepassociation.org/patients-general-public/exploding-head-syndrome/

I’ll continue writing the rest of this blog post soon but I need to take a break due to my restless leg syndrome.

 

That’s better. That is better. This is better.

 

As I was saying before, I suffer from EHS. In case you didn’t read the description of EHS via the link I gave you here is what it is like to suffer from EHS:

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Exploding Head Syndrome affects 1 in every 25 people – but none of them have it as bad as I do.

 

It’s not pretty. Nor is it without pain. I myself, along with the medical field, have often debated whether the pain is worse during the actual explosion or during the regeneration process; we all agree on one thing though: neither is fun. Mainly the doctors agreed with me because EHS has affected me a lot more than it has anyone else. Plus I’m smarter than they are even when it’s difficult to keep it up sometimes what with my carpel tunnel and restless leg syndrome.

The first time my head exploded it came as a real shock. I didn’t know what to do or who to call so I mostly just ran around like a chicken with its head cut off; it was quite frightening. After my head returned I swore I would never take my head for granted again; I just never quite realized, prior to this, how useful one’s head can be. This wasn’t the end of it though – it was just the beginning.

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Early stage of my head’s regeneration

My head has exploded several times over the years and while I still on occasion run around like a chicken with its head cut off, my restless leg syndrome, as I’ve told anyone who would listen, typically prevents me from running for very long. Now I typically just flop on the ground a bit, but in a very orderly fashion due to my OCD, and wait, quite stoically I might add, for my head to reemerge in a dreadfully painful way. Have I mentioned that I also have carpel tunnel? Anyway, at this point I can tell when my head is about to explode; there are signs (I’m just not sure who put them there – my best guess is a secret government agency, alien life-forms or Tim Tebow). The signs are subtle at first (a dry or itchy scalp) but can usually be staved off by utilizing a special formula I managed to purchase at my local drug store called: shampoo. From there the signs become more prevalent and typically reach their peak towards the end of each month (a most inconvenient time for any accountant). These signs include: irritability, bloating and anxiety. I have yet to find a way to deal with these signs and so must suffer most horribly during this period. Finally, sometime during the 10th and 15th of the month my head just explodes.

My purpose of sharing this information with anyone who happens to read this post is to get attention and to let people know that, while they are not alone in suffering with EHS, it’s much, much worse for me. I will conclude this post now before my carpel tunnel and/or restless leg syndrome prevent me from typing any more, but before I do I would just like to say that, while my scalp is currently itching and dry, I am glad that I have an unexploded head for the moment and I feel fortunate that, despite all of the conditions I do have, I can stand erect and declare to the world that I’m grateful for who I am and grateful for who I am not: namely a hypochondriac – those people are really messed up. But not as much as I am.

The End

The Ending

This has Ended

This will never End

the end

tHe eNd

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Categories: Humor

Tags: , , , , , , ,

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