Ask the Accountant: Mayweather vs. Pacquiao

With the fight of the century between Floyd “ME-ME-ME-ME” Mayweather and Manny “I-hope-that-I-box-better-than-I-sing” Pacquiao less than a week away I have decided to answer some pressing questions about the fight that will provide you, the reader, with in-depth analysis that can’t be found anywhere else on the internet. While this Q&A will be chalk-full of information and predictions about this pugilistic extravaganza it should not be relied upon when placing bets or in situations where you just want to pretend that you know what you are talking about. If, after reading this post about the greatest to ever occur on 05/02/2015, you want to find some real analysis and informative data on the fight I suggest you check out, www.insidefight.com; it’s not only written by a pal of mine but it’s also not written by me.

 

Who do you think will win in the Mayweather vs. Pacquiao fight?

Manny Pacquiao, without a doubt.

 

How can you be so certain?

I put money on Floyd “The Barber” Mayweather to win.

 

Is it true that Floyd Mayweather has never lost a fight?

That is true so long as you don’t count legal fights.

 

Would that be considered a low-blow?

Perhaps but the upcoming answers to the questions regarding Justin Bieber’s relationship with Floyd “I’m a Belieber” Mayweather will undoubtedly cost me a point.

 

Why did it take so long to make this fight happen?

There were a lot of complicated factors involved but the simplest answer I can give you is that the delay was due to the fact that nobody could see the contract through all of Don King’s hair.

 

Was Don King even involved in this fight?

No, that’s just how impressive his coif is.

 

What are the keys to Manny Pacquiao securing a victory on 05/02?

The biggest key to Pacquiao’s victory is for him to fight someone besides Mayweather. If he can’t make that happen then he should let his mom go into the ring in his stead.

 

Why his mom?

 

Was she putting a voodoo curse on somebody?

That was the voodoo that she do that you should not do.

 

What are the keys to victory for Mayweather?

Staying mobile, using his jab and not getting into a brawl. Also, Justin Bieber.
How does Justin Bieber help Mayweather win this fight?

I think the top 5 Bieber songs that come up on Google explain it better than I ever could:

1. Baby

2. Boyfriend

3. Beauty and a Beat

4. Love me

5.  Eenie Meenie
Who else will be in Mayweather’s entourage for this fight?

I couldn’t confirm it but I believe it will be: Bieber, David Hasselhoff and Gilbert Gottfried
Why would he choose them?

They make Floyd “Duck Dodger” Mayweather look less annoying.
How many time have you had to Google Pacquiao’s last name in order to insure that you were spelling it correctly?

I’ve googled Manny Pacquiao’s name more times than Bieber has received death threats.
Damn. 

I know
Do you think Mayweather and Pacquiao will have a rematch?

Only if someone can convince Don King to get a hair cut. Freakin’ hippie.



Categories: Humor, Sports

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