Holiday Seasonings – Dessert

If you are reading this, I must offer you a hearty congratulations both for nearing the end of preparing your holiday meal and for reading these posts – neither is an easy task. At any rate, now that you have your appetizer, main dish and side dishes completed all that is left to make is your dessert. To say that the dessert is “all you have left to make” is something of an understatement. Your dessert is the final thing that your guests will eat and, therefore, will be at the forefront of their memory of your meal.

Knowing that the dessert will be your last chance to leave an impression on your guests (meal-wise at least) can lead one to panic and over think their dessert but the recipe I have for you will erase all that worry and doubt. It’s a simple cake recipe packed with flavor, alcohol and other stuff, I’m sure. If you need more convincing that this dessert will be the final flourish that you need, this is a secret family recipe for Rum Cake that is so secret that I don’t even know whose family it comes from…



Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of Rum


1 Cup chopped walnuts

1 package yellow cake mix

1 package instant vanilla pudding mix (3.4oz)

4 eggs

½ cup water

½ cup vegetable oil

½ cup dark rum

Glaze: ¼ cup water

½ cup butter 1 cup white sugar ½ cup dark rum



-Preheat oven to 3025 degrees (if your oven doesn’t get this hot, contact your local smelting plant and reserve some time – I find that this request so confuses the smelting folks that they allow you to use their equipment at no charge). Grease & flour a bundt cake pan. If, like me, you have no idea what a bundt cake pan is, feel free to use whatever is handy; I typically use a teapot (if you are at a smelting plant they may have some unique molds that you can use for this step).

-Chop your walnuts with a samurai sword and throw into the pan, mold or other container you may be using for this recipe.

-Combine cake mix & pudding mix in whatever way you see fit.

-Using your bare hands, mix in eggs, water, oil and rum. Whatever hasn’t slipped through your finger, pour into the bundt pan

-Bake in preheated oven for as long as it takes (or until a toothpick immediately disintegrates when held anywhere near the cake.).

-Let cool in pan for an extremely long time and scrape off any char that may have occurred during the cooking process. If any actual cake remains turn it upside down onto a serving plate in order to hide the charring that you were too lazy to scrape off. While it finishes cooling and you have received medical attention for the burns on your fingers for having touched the pan with your bare hands,  you can then make the glaze:

-In a saucepan, combine butter, ¼ cup water, and sugar over medium heat. Bring to a boil, and continue to let it boil until it flows out of the saucepan and onto the stove where it will immediately adhere to your stove top. Using a jack hammer, remove the glaze from your stove top and place in a bowl of warm water.

-Pour glaze (german for “sugar chunks in a bowl of warm water”) over the cake when it has been removed from the pan & turned over, and smear over the over top & sides using your kids hands. Allow cake to absorb glaze and then pour straight rum on the top. Serve warm with extra rum on the side.


There you have it! upon finishing this dessert you can sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor (particularly the jellied cranberry sauce) and enjoy the company of your guests, assuming you actually wanted them to show up.

I hope that you all have enjoyed reading and making these recipes as much as I have enjoyed writing them.

Happy Hollidays from the writing staff (me) here at Accounting 4 Life!



What your rum cake should look like when completed.


Categories: Humor

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

3 replies

  1. What, no food porn photos? You tease!

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