Ask the Accountant: 2014

The year 2014 was a complicated year for accountants and normal human beings alike. From frightening viruses to disappearing planes to off the field troubles of NFL players to auditors continuing to exist, it has, by all accounts, been a wild ride in 2014. In an attempt to make sense of it all I have selected a number of questions sent to me at no point in 2014 to answer and shed some much-needed light on the year that was 2014. Good luck!

 

How would you describe the year 2014?

I think the year 2014 can best be described as, “The Year That Came After the Year 2013 and Before the Year 2015”.

 

What, in your opinion, was the biggest story of 2014?

There were a number of big stories, stories that “awed” us, but, for me, the biggest story wasn’t the Republican domination in the mid-term elections nor was it the huge gains in the stock market but was, instead, the news that Rex Grossman turned down a one-game contract with the Cleveland Browns so that he could spend Christmas consoling Tim Tebow about not getting a contract offer from any team.

 

Were there any other big stories to come out of Cleveland this year?

Yes. After some research I discovered that the first red and green stop light was installed in Cleveland in response to the drafting and signing of Johnny Manziel. Much like Johnny’s first start for the Browns, however, it failed to work.

 

Speaking of the NFL, what are your thoughts on the off-field issues of many of the NFL’s players in 2014?

I think Marshawn Lynch said it best when asked this question, “Yeah. Thanks for asking.”

 

North Korea’s Not-Quite-As-Dear Leader, Kim Jong-un, disappeared for a while in September of this year, do you know where he went and why he disappeared?

I am unable to reveal that Dennis Rodman is my source on this information but, yes, I do know what happened to Mr. un. It seems that in early September, L’il Kim (as his friends call him) was offered a starring role in a film entitled “The Interview” which he accepted on the condition that the filmmakers, quote, “Get him the hell out this horrible country that is not fit for even Dennis Rodman to live in.” The filmmakers agreed and King Jong (as his friends call him behind his back) spent 40 days secreted away in Hollywood where he acted in his first movie and came to the realization that Hollywood, also, is not a country fit for even Dennis Rodman to live in.

 
If that’s true, then why has Jong-un been protesting the film and denouncing it as terrorist propaganda?

un-Duece-Tres (as his friends call him when talking to Kim’s enemies) was upset that his role in the film was not in fact that of depicting Charlie Chaplin but was instead that of an evil dictator of a country not fit for Dennis Rodman to live in who the main characters are trying to assassinate. Regardless this denouncement was, in fact, the best review ever given to a film starring Seth Rogan.

 
What were the other big stories in the entertainment world?

Here are the biggest entertainment stories in no particular order:

  • Taylor Swift released her new album entitled “1989”, which represented a break from her usual style of music – whatever that may have been
  • In the world of film, the “Little Tramp” character made his first appearance in the film “Interview”.
  • Former Secretary of War, Robert Gates, published an autobiography titled “Duty” in which he, quite distastefully, details the different governmental bathrooms he frequented while serving in the President’s cabinet.

 

In my opinion the outbreak of Ebola was the most frightening story of 2014, do you agree?

The Ebola outbreak was undoubtedly frightening but I believe the continued existence and spread of Justin Bieber throughout the United States was, and still is, the most frightening story of 2014.

 

Do you have theories on what happened to flight MH370?

I don’t have any theories on what happened to flight MH370 but I do have a theory on what might make 2015 better than 2014.

 

Care to elaborate?
Most of us, as the current year comes to a close, begins thinking about what they want to do better in the upcoming year. Be it, eating better, volunteering, stop smoking or rooting for a team other than the Chicago Bears, we all look to the new year as a clean slate and a chance to be better in some way, shape or form. My theory on what will make this new year better for all of us collectively and, perhaps, individually, is that we change our perspective on what is important in life. Like most things there are different perspectives on what is important so we have a choice, we can follow the words of Robert F. Kennedy when he said, “Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world”, or we can take the sage advice of the modern-philosopher and sometimes politician, Sarah Palin when she said, “We say keep your change, we’ll keep our God, our guns, our constitution.” The choice is ours, yeah?

 

 

 



Categories: Accounting, Humor

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