Travelogue – San Diego – Day 3

7:07 a.m. – No alarm again. My heart grows weary from my forgetfulness. I guess a shower is in order.

7:42 a.m. – Coffee! If I am to make it through the day I will need a steady stream of this wonderful spirit-lifting liquid.

7:55 a.m. – I am told that we are to leave at 8:20 to go on a safari. If I am not ready at this time, I am told, I will be left behind by my party!

8:21 a.m. – I’ve been hiding in the bathroom in hopes of being left behind by my party; safari’s frighten me so!

8:23 a.m. – After much berating for hiding in the bathroom I am on my way to the safari. I am trembling with fear such that I have spilt coffee on most members of my party. At least I blamed the trembling for the spilt coffee.

9:32 – After a harrowing journey across the countryside we made it to our destination. After some delay, the rest our party arrived and we set out on our safari.

9:35 – We have been walking for three straight minutes and, while we have seen many extinct animal statues, I must admit that exhaustion is setting in.

9:42 – Growing more and more weary.

9:45 – I may not survive this journey.

9:47 – My exhaustion is nearly unbearable.

9:48 – I cannot take another step, but I must for the good of my party.

10:36 – After passing out from all of the walking I found myself strapped into a buggy and being pushed about by my wife. This much more enjoyable!

11:15 – I have been turned out from the buggy and find myself growing weak again.

11:34 – Once again I succumbed to my exhaustion and woke up to find myself alone in the grizzly bear cage. My party thought this was humorous. I disagree.

12:03 – My food was left at the homestead and I must now scavenge for my sustenance.

12:15 – As luck would have it I stumbled upon a carne asada burrito; my party was quite jealous as these are rare finds while on safari.

12:20 – Tired again as we, once again, set out on our seemingly endless safari. Thus far our party has been harassed by large human-like koala bears, natives asking to draw our pictures in exchange for coins or trinkets and promises for rides in flying carriages in exchange for our very souls.

1:15 – My soul was worth selling for this magical flying carriage ride. To see my youngest son’s light-up with delight as we ascended into the clouds and flew over the safari land. It was so magical in fact, that I sold my youngest son’s soul for another trip; I’m sure he won’t mind.

1:28 – We were nearly accosted by wild monkeys after they learned that we were behind schedule on our journey. It was a frightening experience to see these smallish black and white monkeys screech and jump about urging us to make up lost time. Unfortunately, some in our party took the monkey’s warning lightly and continued to dilly-dally in an attempt to agitate the monkey’s while causing us more and more of a delay in making it back to the homestead at a decent hour.

3:34 – Once again I passed out from the physical labors of our journey and , once again, my party thought it would be funny to leave me in an animal’s den; this time I was awoken by a condor vigorously pecking at my abundant belly. I am beginning to think that my party cares not for me.

4:15 – What an odd safari! I expected to see giraffes, lions, monkeys, etc but to see kangaroos, wallabies and Mel Gibson was, at the moment, completely unexpected. In hindsight, however, I should not have been surprised that we had walked all the way to Australia and back during the day as my feet continue to berate me for attempting such a ludicrous journey.

5:02 – As we began our walk back from Australia it was with not a little heavy heartedness that I realized I would die before ever making it back to our carriage.

5:32 – After much confusion on my part we found ourselves as our carriage just a short time after leaving Australia. With any luck, I though to my self, I must be dead and just dreaming this (assuming, of course, that the dead can dream).

6:07 – Home again! I am neither dead nor dreaming and I fear that the disappointment felt upon this realization is such that I may not recover from.

6:10 – Dinner. An exotic mix of meat, peppers, leaves, noodles and peanuts was cooked up by my sister-in-law and it was an amazing feast! Again, though, I fear that the others may be jealous for the special dinner that was cooked just for me.

8:34 – As if the dinner wasn’t enough, my sister-in-law, then brought about a bottle of homemade “firewater” as the locals call it. This lifted everyone’s spirits and was such a welcome treat that none of us shall soon forget about it, at least until the morning.

8:54 – Feeling a hunger inside that only Sarah’s Mexican Food can fulfill. I wonder if this the firewater’s doing?

9:07 – The firewater has claimed its first victim: my father-in-law. He was a brave soul for trying to finish this harsh liquid and he will certainly be missed.

9:09 – Though I miss my father-in-law,  I feel that he would want me to finish my beer. God bless, and god-speed good sir. Until we meet again tomorrow I raise my pint in your honor!

9:45 – Need more sustenance. I can’t help but hope that Sarah’s is still open. If not, I fear that, in my emotional state, that I may not be able to carry on.


Categories: Humor, Travel

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

1 reply

  1. Great stuff dude!!

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