Don’t Call it a Comeback

I don’t recall when my last post was and for that I would like to say: I don’t recall when my last post was.

I’m not one to dwell on the past (at least not outside of own head) so instead I’m going to, once again, blame my hiatus on Lil’ Kim Jong Un’s new best friend for no other reason than I enjoy blaming stuff on him. Regardless of who or what is to blame for this long blog drought this post is going to serve as my glorious return to blogging for at least this post.

Like LL Cool J said, “It’s Milky…Cereal…Baby.

Besides LL’s epic song about cereal, he also had a great song about making a comeback, though I can’t think of the name of it right now. The gist of said song is that LL is making a comeback but not calling it a comeback even though it clearly was a comeback…I think. Whether it was or wasn’t a comeback it was a vast improvement over the cereal song.

While I was briefly inspired by LL to become a competitive cereal eater, I quickly found out that, while my slight lactose-intolerance helped me defeat my opponents without having to actually consume more cereal than them, the blowback (so to speak) from my tactics were not appreciated and, ultimately, led to my being barred from the circuit. In addition to being barred from competitive eating, I was then told by my doctor that I should not go into the office (work the doctor’s or any non-open air office) for the next several months in an attempt to save mankind (and Donald Trump).

While sitting in my tent (I wasn’t allowed to be inside the house lest I permanently scar my kids and simultaneously end my marriage) with nothing to do for seven months but listen to my sole cassette tape “Mama Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J, watch my sole DVD “The Karate Kid” and  read my sole book “The Gas We Pass: The Story of Donald J. Trump Ascendancy to the Presidential Throne”, I realized something that has changed me to this very day: I should have brought my Walkman, a DVD player and my glasses with me.

Besides learning to pack better in the future, I came to realize that there was a common thread that ran through the three items that I did have with me; they all had to do with comebacks, regardless of what LL Cool J might say. Knowing that this was just the sort of inspiration I needed to begin my own comeback on this blog I began studying these examples one by one and found that each held a piece of the comeback puzzle that I could assemble only to find out that I was missing a piece to complete it. In order to help anyone that may be trying to partially assemble their own comeback, here are the lessons that I learned from these most valued pieces:

“The Gas You Pass: The Story of Donald J. Trump’s Ascendancy to the Presidential Throne”: The lesson with this well written book about our current president provided a key corner piece to my comeback puzzle as it not only taught me that you get out what you put in to a situation but also that no matter how full of crap you are, you too can sit on the Presidential Throne one day.

“Mama Said Knock You Out” Cassette Tape: This piece of the puzzle was more difficult to fit in due to the fact that , as I mentioned, I had no way to actually listen to it and only remember the song about cereal and his mom telling him to knock somebody out, which I recall being aptly titled as “Mama Said Knock You Out”. As I’ve already explained the cereal song didn’t fit the puzzle but as I recalled/made up the lyrics to “Mama Said Knock You Out” I realized that this piece was extremely important to my comeback and I could not, whatever I did, lose it. So during the time when I had this epiphany to my writing this post I lost the piece. Not be deterred, however, I cut out a piece of cardboard that fit the spot that I needed and wrote the following cryptic phrase, which I still don’t know the meaning of: Remember Sammy Jankis.

The Karate Kid DVD – For those of you who have seen the original of The Karate Kid you know that it is far superior to the Will Smith and Bruce Lee version that came out in the 2000’s. Additionally this move provides the final piece (except for the lost pieces of course) that everyone needs to complete their comeback puzzle. While I couldn’t remember anything about the movie save what was on the DVD cover, my family, once my gas had passed, filmed the following authentic reenactment of the highlights of the movie so that I could remember where this piece goes without actually watching the whole movie. Enjoy…

 

 

I think the lesson as it relates to comebacks is self-evident, don’t you?

While I may still be searching for the final pieces of my blogging comeback puzzle I feel that this post has beaten the comeback/puzzle analogy into the ground and that should be just enough B.S. to get me the on the Presidential Throne by 2020.

 



Categories: Humor

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