Ask the Accountant: 2015

The year 2015 is quickly coming to a close which can only mean one thing: The year 2015 is quickly coming to a close. As my last action on this blog in the year that was 2015 I will answer a variety of questions regarding the big stories that happened in 2015 or some year relatively close to 2015. As always, don’t try this at home

 

What, in your opinion, was the biggest story of 2015?

In my opinion the biggest story of 2015 was a tie between the New England Patriots allegedly deflating their balls and the fact that they weren’t able to achieve the same result with Donald Trump.

What was the most important story in 2015?

By far it was the discovery of a method to unboil an egg.

Why was that the most important story of 2015?

I’ve spent many a holiday eating, out of politeness, deviled eggs, but not anymore. Now whenever a plate of these party favorites appears I pour the secret substance that the scientists have dubbed “Deviled Egg Vaporizing and/or Donald Trump’s Tanning Lotion” on the plate of deviled eggs and watch in horror as the eggs turn orange and begin to explain why the mashed potatoes should no longer be allowed on the dinner table.

What surprised you the most about the year 2015?

The fact that I listened to an entire Justin Bieber album – and no guns were being held to my head at the time.

….

I heard that it was a really good album.

….

I heard that Justin “Money” Bieber had grown up and made a very good album and I felt compelled to listen to it.

….

I didn’t like it…much.

….

Umm…just kidding? Ha ha ha…Any other questions?

Who are you? I feel like I don’t know you anymore.

This life’s not easy, I’m not made out of steel
Don’t forget that I’m human, don’t forget that I’m real
Act like you know me, but you never will
But that’s one thing that I know for sure
I’ll show you
I’ll show you
I’ll show you
I’ll show you

Those are Justin Bieber lyrics aren’t they?

Yes. I blame all of this on an unfortunate encounter with the New England Patriot’s equipment manager.

Besides you becoming a “Beliber” this year, what would you change about 2015?

I would change the color of the infamous striped dress to alternating shades of red, green and blue so that all of the confusion of the actual color of the address (orange) would have been avoided.

Do you think that Floyd Mayweather actually fought the last fight in his career in 2015?

No, Floyd Mayweather hasn’t actually fought a fight since 2004.

Now that Chip Kelly has been fired as the Head Coach/GM of the Philadelphia Eagles, what will his next job be? 

My sources say that he will be accepting a job on The View. If that falls through I believe Jerry Jones will recognize that Chip has his same abilities to build a football franchise as he does and offer Chip “Sunshine” Kelly the Dallas Cowboys to further his skills.

The new Star Wars movie came out this year, can you tell us what you thought of it?

As a long-time fan of Star Wars I enjoyed seeing the characters from the original trilogy back on the big screen. Additionally, I thought the casting of Bernie Sanders as Yoda’s illegitimate son added an unexpected, yet timely, twist to the Star Wars universe. Sanders’s battle with Darth Cruz was especially poignant.

What are your resolutions for 2016?

I have three resolutions this year:

  1. Write more
  2. Lose Weight
  3. Listen to the rest of Justin Beiber’s albums

It was a joke

Which one?

Take your pick.

Any predictions for 2016?

I believe that 2016 will be a year unlike any other, except for all of the things that are the same as previous years. Beyond that I believe we will also see the error of our ways, bring peace upon Earth (and, perhaps, the Space Station) and realize that certain laws passed in Washington, Colorado and Oregon are, beyond a doubt, the coolest laws passed since the repeal of prohibition.

Do you really not think that Mayweather will fight again?

Who cares? These brownies are amazing, man. What do you think Justin?

Justin:

Yeah
Is it too late now to say sorry?
Cause I’m missing more than just your body, ohh
Is it too late now to say sorry?
Yeah I know that I let you down
Is it too late to say I’m sorry now?
I’m sorry yeah
Sorry yeah
Sorry
Yeah I know that I let you down
Is it too late to say I’m sorry now?

Floyd:

Ahhh…Thanks Bieber but I’m still not fighting this year.

Me:

Happy New Year All!

 

 

 

 

 

 



Categories: Humor

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

1 reply

  1. You my son, are such a cutie pie!!!

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