Rapping up the Month: March

2Pac. Tupac. Toopac. Regardless of how you spell the late great 2Pac’s name it’s hard to say anything bad about his music. It was raw. It was full of emotion. It continues to be released despite that fact that he died nearly 20 years ago. Recently I heard one of these posthumous songs and I was gripped with the need to listen to it again and again. “Thugz Mansion” is not only a great, and touching, song about where gangsters’ go when they die  but it’s also a song that made me wonder where accountants go when they die. This question has consumed my thoughts for several months now and ultimately led to me rewriting the late-great TwoPac’s “Thugz Manion”, as “The Countz Castle”. For those of you who may not be familiar with “Thugz Manion”, I’ve included a link below to IIPak’s original lyrics as well as the actual song (Please Note:  Mr. Pac didn’t have the same hesitation that I do – at least on this blog – to use language that some might find offensive, so if you are offended by colorful language, you might just want to take my word for the fact that my parody is really funny). Enjoy…

 

Countz Castle

Shoot, tired of gettin yelled at

Tired of gettin asked for a P&L and a Balance Sheet

Accountants need a spot where WE can kick it

A spot where WE belong, that’s just for us

Accountants ain’t gotta get all dressed up and ditch their visors

Y’knahmean? Where do accountants go when we die?

Ain’t no heaven for us accountants

That’s why we go to Countz Castle

That’s the only place where accountants go cuz it’s free and you gotta be a P.A. with a capital C

… at Countz castle

 

[Verse One]

A place to spend my lonely nights, time to unwind

So much pressure in this life of mine, I cry all the time

I once wanted to leave a JE unbalanced and woulda tried

But then I thought of the number 9, so I plugged it and everything balanced just fine

No one knows how many numbers I juggle, the only time they talk to me is when I’m in trouble

Not reconcilin’ it’s hard to carry on when no one loves you

Picture me inside the misery of a cubicle

No man alive has ever witnessed audit requests that I survived

Prayin hard for that last receipt, promise to hold on

Me and my bean counters ain’t have a choice but to move on

We found a number-friendly spot to kick it

Where we can drink apple-tinis and no one bickers over Sarbanes-Oxley or its meaning

A spot where we can count in peace, and even though we C (PA)’s

We still visualize a place that we can 10-key in peace

And in my visor’s reflection I see this place, the accountants go in at a reasonable pace

I got a numbered spot for us all, with stair rails so we don’t fall, at Countz Castle.

 

[Chorus]

Ain’t no place I’d rather be

Gettin done early with my CPE’s

Hanging out with the purple guy

And bats that flyyyyyy…….

Ain’t no place I’d rather be

Pocket protectors as far as the eye can see

Squeaky door castle of paradise

And bats that can flyyyyyyy….

 

[Verse Two]

Will I survive all the flights of stairs in the darkness?

Trouble sparks, workin late, five hours ago I should have departed

I shed ledger paper tears and couldn’t sleep good

for multiple years, witness peers catch pink slips

Nobody cares, seen the politicians ban Arthur Anderson

They’d rather see us done or locked in chains, they don’t want to hear us explain

why they can’t stand us, is there a way for me to change? Or am I just a victim of doing things in a way that is sane?

I need a place to rest my feet

for the little bit of circulation that remains, cause the rest of me is dead and incomplete

Is there a spot for us to debit, if you find it

I’ll be right behind ya, and I’ll even give you the credit

How can I be out of balance? I’ve checked every number from the top to the bottom

Watch my daddy scream about pizza when the delivery boy overcharged him

I need a place that’s full of bats when I need to escape

the horrors of a cubicle overrun with papers, in Countz castle

 

[Chorus w/ minor ad lib variations]

 

[Verse Three]

 

Dear CFO don’t cry, your little accountant is doing fine

Tell the other accountants I’m at the castle and doing lines

Seen a journal entry done by Luca last night, it had me shook

Doing shots of bat guano with Deloitte and Touche

Then some dude named Ernst arrived

Sittin there debating FASB pronouncements with Young in some dive

The purple man known as the Count

Has no trouble showing off his impressive number clout

Maybe in time you’ll understand only the IRS can save us

In the meantime I’ll credit that account as a favor

Just think of all the accountants that you knew in the past

that found new jobs, they in heaven, found peace at last

Picture a place that they exist, together

There has to be a place better than this, doing anything, whatever

So right before I sleep, here is what I’m askin

Remember me purple face, save me a place, in Count’s castle.

[Chorus – repeat 2X (w/ ad libs)]

 

If you would like to hear Tupac’s “Thugz Mansion” and/or rap along with it using the lyrics from “Countz Castle”,  just click play below:

 

 

(The lyrics of 2Pac’s “Thugz Mansion” can be found here)



Categories: Humor

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 reply

  1. From one C(PA) to another, this made me laugh, thanks for the humor! I would like to see you rappin’ your version on a YouTube video. If I had the skills, I would make do it myself, too funny!

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