I would be remiss to let Father’s Day pass by without writing a little something about the two guys that have given me the opportunity to state that I’m a dad and mean it (it was very awkward when I did this before they were born). I’ve been a dad now for five and a half years (give or take) and can honestly say that I don’t know what I did before I was a dad. I mean it. There was a time when I could remember things, but now I can’t even remember which name goes with which son. It’s a little disheartening. At any rate, a lot has changed since I became a father and, while it hasn’t always been easy to accept these changes, it’s always been worth it.

My oldest son is five and a half and will be starting kindergarten in the fall. You have no idea how much panic this simple statement causes me. The panic doesn’t result from the fact that I’m afraid he won’t do well in school but instead comes from the fact that time has flown by so quickly. I remember when he was born (I’m not sure what we named him though) and holding him for the first time. I remember attempting to change his diaper that first night and yelling at my wife in desperation to help when he decided he didn’t need to wait for the clean diaper to be fastened before he would go again. I remember trying to rock him to sleep while trying to keep myself from falling asleep. I remember wondering if I was ever going to be able to sleep for more than five minutes at a time again. It was a terrifying yet wonderful experience that first night and it has only gotten better. He is a very kind, intelligent and creative young man and I can’t help but be proud that I married a woman who was able to pass on these traits to him. He also has a lot of my dad in him in that he can talk a mile-a-minute for hours on end regardless of whether anyone is listening or not. He enjoys having a good laugh, particularly at my expense. And if all that wasn’t enough he’s great at telling jokes:

Oldest Son: Knock, Knock

Me: Who’s there?

Oldest Son: Angry Bird

Me: Angry Bird who?

Oldest Son: Angry Bird will blow up the green pigs except on Level 12 of Space Angry Birds where he is useless. But that’s okay because you know why dad?

Me: Why?

Oldest Son: Because you get three big-fat bomb birds on that level and one time I beat it with three extra birds because I hit the dynomite and all the pigs got pink eyes and then the tower blew up on your head.

Me: On my head?

Oldest Son: Knock, Knock

His jokes get me every time.

Because of these great jokes, his kindness, his creativity and countless other qualities that my writing can’t do justice to I have a hard time seeing him going to kindergarten because I know that before long he will be a teenager and, if he’s anything like me, I won’t see him come out of his room again until he is in his twenties (though he has vowed to always live at home with my wife and I even when he has a family of his own). Regardless, I will always be honored to be this guy’s dad and maybe, just maybe, I’ll grow up to be as cool as him someday.

In regards to my youngest son, who recently turned two, he is one of the sweetest most mischievous little guys I know. One smile from this guy melts your heart and distracts you just long enough for him to climb onto something precarious so that he can then scare you out of your wits. I wasn’t at all prepared for this. My oldest son has always been very cautious (a trait he has me to thank (or not) for) so when my youngest became mobile and started climbing up on and falling off of various objects in the house it caught me off guard (and put me on guard). In addition to his climbing escapades the kid loves to dance and has moves that he most certainly didn’t inherit from me. Whether grooving to Bob Marley or bobbing up and down to the beat of “Who Let the Dog’s Out?”, he always puts a smile on my face. In fact, one of the few times he didn’t put a smile on face was the day he was born and that was only because I was trying to fight back the tears. Much like my oldest son, he is also a very kind and sweet boy who amazes me with his willingness to help out and his awareness of what’s going on around him. I’ve learned a lot from this little guy and maybe (but probably not) I’ll be able to learn some of his dance moves someday.

To say that I’m proud to be the father of these two boys is an understatment. To say that I love them doesn’t do justice to the depth of feeling I have for them. To say that no matter what else I do in life it will never surpass the joy that I feel when making these guys laugh so hard that milk comes out their noses is the truth. To say that I can’t wait until they can go potty by themselves would not be a lie.

I love you boys and I am very thankful and honored to be your dad!

Categories: Humor

Tags: Angry Birds, Diapers, Father, Father's Day, Jokes, Sons