With April 15th fast approaching I felt that it was my duty as an accountant to let all of you know that I don’t do taxes (except my own – and even then not very well). There is a reason for this. The reason, and I think Albert Einstein said it best, is that taxes are a “Spooky action at a distance”. That and I understand them about as well as I understand anything Albert Einstein (or George W. Bush – but for very different reasons) ever said.
Despite the fact that I am not a tax professional, I do feel that it is my duty as an accountant to help make tax season more enjoyable for you, my faithful readers. So before you begin to scramble to find receipts, attempt to remember if you had any kids last year and/or begin debating whether the $20 you sent to your cousin Jim-Bob – who hasn’t had a job since his stint as the Ape-man at the county fair in the fall of ’76 – for Christmas can be considered a charitable deduction please take a moment to read my helpful but completely useless plan that is guaranteed in no way to make tax time less painful.
My plan to help you with the tedious and inevitable task that is preparing one’s income tax return inevitably involves: fashion. For those of you who may not know me, I am quite passionate about fashion and, as evidenced by the picture below, have attempted to impress upon my offspring the importance of looking good while doing taxes (and/or fighting crime).
At any rate, here is my plan which I have entitled:
How to Do Your Taxes – And Look Good Doing Them
While taxes may be tedious and boring there is no reason why your appearance has to be. By simply sprucing up your wardrobe with the new spring fashions and updating your accessories you will be amazed at how much you will look forward to doing your taxes year after year.
Organization is key when it comes to doing your taxes so make sure that you gather up all necessary tax documents, receipts and forms and sort them into like piles before grabbing your keys and heading out to your local mall/independent clothing store where the real work of doing your taxes will begin.
Sometimes it’s hard to know where to begin when updating one’s wardrobe but by applying the key to tax success (organization) to clothes shopping you will find that the task at hand is much easier than might be expected. Take a moment in your car and jot down a list of what you will need and then take the list and sort it by type of clothing (pants, shirts, etc).
Once your list is complete and properly categorized it’s time to start shopping!
As you begin your shopping there are a few additional factors that you will want to keep in mind:
- The clothes you purchase should be comfortable yet fashionable; not only is it important to look good but you want to make sure that they don’t restrict your movements as there will be much stretching, reaching and flailing while you fill out your tax forms.
- Seek apparel with stain guard; there is a real possibility that you will be eating while you do your taxes and, no matter how careful we think we are being, a drip of sauce or a tumbling of a pepperoni will quite likely happen and you will have no time to mess with stain removers.
- Make sure that the fabric is a breathable fabric; watching your tax bill climb ever higher as you go through your calculations can be stressful and stress leads to perspiration which will only be exasperated by a stifling fabric.
- When it comes to accessorizing, don’t be afraid to be bold. Buy that bright orange sun visor and pack of multi-colored #2 pencils; you’d be surprised by how many fashion trends were started by such courageous behavior.
- For some, the cost of upgrading their apparel will be a concern but bear in mind that donations to charities are deductible so you can give your current wardrobe away and update with the latest fashions year after year.
By following these easy steps not only will you be assured to look good while doing your taxes but if you are ever threatened with an audit for having really large charitable deductions every year you will be able to look the taxman in the eye and say, “Don’t audit me because I’m beautiful” and mean it.
Categories: Accounting, Humor
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