Welcome to my second post dear readers. I hesitated to write another post but a comment I received regarding my first post (roughly, “I feel dumber having read this”) relieved any feelings of anxiety I had about continuing on with, what I believe might be, the blog that could end all blogs. However, I thought to myself, I need to step it up a notch and write something of substance; something that stirs the souls of my readers; something that, well, is about something. A number of issues that I could write about came quickly to mind (gun control, taxes, the Chicago Bears coaching crisis, etc) and, while each could easily be the subject of an entire (real) blog, I decided to tackle them all in a single post.

How can I possibly do justice to these subjects in one single post you ask? I can’t, and couldn’t, even if I knew what I was talking about. I feel like that shouldn’t stop me though (this is the internet after all). So, without further ado dear readers, let us begin.

I’m of the opinion that there are good and bad things about all of these issues.

Not bad huh? I could expand on my thoughts, however, I’m afraid that I might lose the one reader I have and, much like life itself, blogs are all about readers.

As an example, if I were to say that the ideas put forth by the NRA and everyone’s favorite sheriff (Joe Arpaio of AZ) to keep schools safe by arming everyone at schools (including the crossing guards, janitors and cafeteria folk) didn’t go far enough my reader might either feel that I’m poking fun at the brilliant minds of the aforementioned folks or a gun nut to end all gun nuts depending on his or her own thoughts on the subject. I would then have to defend myself by stating that guns are not enough to keep kids safe; instead tanks and mine fields would be much more appropriate and effective in reducing the threats school children face at school (the only possible downfall being is that we may have to pay teachers more for hazard pay; wouldn’t that be a shame?). Or I would have to defend my remark by stating that I was being sarcastic and feel that as brilliant as the founding fathers were, our laws need to be updated from time to time (see slavery and women’s suffrage) to better reflect the reality of the world today. Therefore, as neat-o keen as these new fangled guns that are available at your local Wal-Mart are, they may not be necessary even in the spirit of the 2nd amendment. Again the argument used would, of course, be dependent on my reader’s views on the subject.

Another example would be if I said something about how the 1% should pay more in taxes while the 99% should get more tax breaks so that we could all, roughly, be called 47%’ers (I’ve never been good with numbers). I then might be accused of being a communist, or worse, an Obama supporter and lose my reader if their beliefs were in opposition to mine. I would then have to digress and say that I was kidding of course, after all we live in a capitalist society where everyone, regardless of any possible mitigating factors (physical disabilities, mental health issues, social-economic factors, etc) can achieve what the 1%’ers have if they would just work harder, stop relying on government hand-outs and programs (such as they are) and just fight through their issues as any real blue-blooded American would do.

In regards to the Chicago Bears coaching crises, I, unfortunately, have to just state my opinion regardless of how it might affect my readership. It is absolutely ridiculous that Coach Lovie Smith was fired after this season and here’s why: If you take away the six losses the Bears had this season he was a perfect 10-0 for the year. Furthermore, if you take away his 63 career losses he was a perfect 81-0 with the Bears (not including post-season games). What kind of a team fires a coach that has never lost any games that he won?!?!? If there were more people like me in the Bears organization just think of how many more near-playoff seasons we could have enjoyed under Lovie.

My apologies for getting so fired up, but there is something about people making decisions based on the reality of the situation that really gets my goat.

In summary, dear readers, we are all faced with a lot of issues these days, not just as a nation, but as human beings (or Bears fans), that can be difficult to understand and resolve. My purpose, if vaguely stated, was to show you all that the best way to tackle such polarizing issues is not by checking emotions and working towards finding a middle ground that results in a solution that benefits as many people as possible while negatively impacting as few people as possible, but to make a decision that will make you the most popular with your reader. If, of course, you don’t have a reader, as I am sure I don’t at this point, then you may proceed resolving the tough issues as you see fit.

Categories: Humor, Politics